This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
