someone threw a dead crab at me
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
