The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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