Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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