Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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