Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
So gin and wine won't be happening again
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
