Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i came on her dog
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Randomize
