I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
My breasts were aching with rage.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
