It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
