...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
