how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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