Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
