You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
