The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize