I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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