That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
sex in a hospital.. check
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Randomize
