she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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