I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
