I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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