whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
