someone owes me an orgasm
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
