I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
