i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
