when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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