yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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