I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
