Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
