dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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