Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
