I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
