Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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