I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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