She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wish there were birth control emojis
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
