Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize