WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
