I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
