I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
