My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
We named our party play list daddy issues
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
