just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
