it's too hot outside to masturbate.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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