eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
