so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
