Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize