How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
