Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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