You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
