I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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