First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Randomize
