I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
