Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
