Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize