I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
