Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
