I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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