I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
