Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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