oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
