Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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