told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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