I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
