I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
