did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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