is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Someone came in the potted fern
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
