I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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