After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Someone signed my nipple.
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