How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
