She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
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