Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
