so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
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