Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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