someone threw a dead crab at me
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
