omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Randomize
