there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
