maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
