Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
