I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Randomize
