no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize