forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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