4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
