Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
