why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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