can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
