I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
