Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
this just has baby written all over it
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
