Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
