i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
