I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize