I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
