i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
