My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
